1
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,234
("STAR WARS"-STYLE MUSIC)

2
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,354
(RED DWARF THEME)

3
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,756
- Cat?
- Mmm?

4
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,639
- You ever see "The Flintstones"?
- Sure.

5
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,314
Do you think Wilma's sexy?

6
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,032
Wilma Flintstone?

7
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,668
Maybe we've been in deep space too long,

8
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,196
but every time I see that show,
she drives me crazy.

9
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,477
- Is it me?
- Well, I think, in all probability,

10
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,428
Wilma Flintstone is
the most desirable woman who ever lived.

11
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,433
That's good. I thought I was going strange.

12
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,916
- She's incredible.
- What do you think of Betty?

13
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,071
Betty Rubble?

14
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,631
Well, I would go with Betty...

15
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,715
but I'd be thinking of Wilma.

16
00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,355
This is crazy. We're talking
about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone.

17
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,911
You're right. We're nuts.
This is an insane conversation.

18
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,757
She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.

19
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,870
Holly, clipboard and pen, please.

20
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,799
- Well, Krytie, today's the day.
- But, sir, I'm just not ready.

21
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,873
- Six weeks is just not long enough.
- Ten-thirty. Name?

22
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,514
- You know my name.
- If this works,

23
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:37,834
it's a new lease of life for us,
but we've got to do it by the book.

24
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,474
It's just when you go into "official mode",

25
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,631
my anxiety chip goes into overdrive.

26
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,752
- Name?
- K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K...

27
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,798
K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K...

28
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,190
I'll just put Kryten.

29
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:56,069
- Can you see that space vehicle?
- Where?

30
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,231
Oh, that one. Yes, sir.

31
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,432
And can you read the registration
for me, please?

32
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,388
- Starbug 1?
- Right, show me to your vehicle.

33
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,592
Right, in your own time, start the space vehicle,

34
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,548
proceed through the cargo bay doors
and off into outer space.

35
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,352
Once through the doors,
proceed directly to the nearest planet.

36
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,715
Once there, bring the vehicle to a halt

37
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,030
and then carefully reverse into the planet's orbit,

38
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,876
remembering to pay due care
and attention to any other space users.

39
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,950
Right, in your own time.

40
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,997
(CLUNK AND WHOOSH)

41
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,831
In your own time.

42
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,871
I've failed, haven't I?

43
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,034
- Just proceed.
- You'll hold it against me.

44
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,589
- One mistake.
- Please.

45
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,471
(KRYTEN) Antigrav, check.

46
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,519
Retro, check. Boosters, check.

47
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,629
And very gently ease forward...

48
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,318
I think there's something wrong
with the gearbox.

49
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,278
The thing is, I learned to drive in Starbug 2.

50
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,954
I'm not used to the controls in Starbug 1.

51
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,631
- They're exactly the same.
- Yes. That's the problem.

52
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,319
(BRAKES SCREECH)

53
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,195
Next, transfer to autopilot,
while we conduct the recognition...

54
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,032
(GEARS GRIND)

55
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,431
-..tests.
- Engage autopilot.

56
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,433
Autopilot engaged. Well, I say "autopilot".

57
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,592
It's not really.
It's Muggins here who has to do it.

58
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,873
- Right, what's that one?
- Heavy traffic. Keep in lane.

59
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,917
- That one?
- Danger. Space mirages ahead.

60
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,795
At half the speed of light,
what is the stopping distance?

61
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,072
- Four years, three months.
- And the thinking time?

62
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,350
A fortnight.

63
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,390
- Space phenomena. What's that?
- A pulsar.

64
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,551
- And that?
- A binary star.

65
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,995
- What's that?
- A time hole!

66
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,355
- Don't help him.
- It's a time hole!

67
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,632
- It's nothing like a time hole.
- (HOLLY) It is.

68
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,271
- It is! It's a time hole!
- A time hole is a rare phenomenon,

69
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,558
which, legend has it, transports us
into another part of space and time.

70
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,757
That is obviously a blue giant
about to go supernova.

71
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,555
THAT is a time hole. Right, what's this?

72
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,635
(TREMENDOUS CRASH)

73
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,229
I suppose you're going to fail me for this.

74
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,871
What is this place?

75
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,034
Holly? Is it possible? Can this be Earth?

76
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,949
Certainly seems that way.
Constellations match. Gravity, one G.

77
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,596
- What's the time period?
- Well, difficult to say exactly,

78
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,751
but according to all available data,

79
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:35,436
I would estimate it's round
about lunchtime, maybe half-one.

80
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,795
What period in history, dingleberry-breath?

81
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,835
Can we expect to see Genghis Khan

82
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,798
and his barbarian buddies
sweeping across the hill?

83
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,988
Or flesh-eating dinosaurs
eating Doug McClure? What is the year?

84
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,954
Well, I'd need more data
before I could give a precise answer.

85
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,391
- Like?
- This year's calendar would be handy.

86
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,113
(KRYTEN) I've never been to Earth.
I've only seen it on photographs.

87
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:06,592
It's exactly like I always imagined,
only much shorter.

88
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,717
"Nodnol, 871 selim."

89
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,478
- Nodnol? Where's Nodnol?
- (KRYTEN) It's London.

90
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,518
"London, 178 miles." It's backwards.

91
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,434
- Shh! A truck.
- It'll probably hit that box.

92
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,395
There's a perfectly rational explanation for this.

93
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,794
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

94
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,195
Then again, possibly not.

95
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,398
(HORNS HONK)

96
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,599
(RIMMER) What the smeg is going on?
(KRYTEN) Everything's backwards.

97
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,638
(HOLLY) It's perfectly consistent
with current theory.

98
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,995
Everything starts with a Big Bang, right?

99
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,355
And the universe starts expanding.

100
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,593
When it's expanded as far as it can,
there's the Big Crunch,

101
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,751
and everything starts contracting.

102
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:10,238
It's possible that time starts
running backwards, as well.

103
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,392
(RIMMER) So is this Earth?
(HOLLY) It's Earth all right,

104
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,994
only Earth where time's going backwards.

105
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,871
(BOTH SPEAK BACKWARDS)

106
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,193
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

107
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,749
Flobba-dob blib blob bleeb.

108
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,515
- What are you doing?
- You said look inconspicuous.

109
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,590
- Don't be idiotic.
- But if people see my face,

110
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,751
what will they think?

111
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:27,114
Tell them you took your car
to the crushers and forgot to get out.

112
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,391
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

113
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,317
-I got a newspaper.
- What's the year? 3991?!

114
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,717
No, it's 1993. It's backwards.

115
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,878
I'll switch to reverse mode. (BLEEPS)

116
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,190
"Three brought to life in bank raid.

117
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,511
"A masked man with
a sawn-off shotgun sucked bullets

118
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,069
"out of two cashiers and a security guard

119
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,834
"in a South London bank tomorrow.

120
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,638
"The armed raider then forced
terrified staff to accept $10,000,

121
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,758
"which he demanded
they place in the bank's vaults.

122
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,549
"The man, Michael Ellis,
completed a 15-year prison sentence

123
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,598
"for the crime two years ago."

124
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,240
- What does that say?
- It's an advert.

125
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:23,952
"Roll-off deodorant. Keeps you wet
and smelly for up to 24 hours."

126
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,429
What shall we do? This place is crazy.

127
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,279
There's nothing we can do until they find us.

128
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,194
We'd better get a job.
What jobs are there in a backwards reality

129
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,638
for a dead hologram and an android
with a head like a novelty condom?

130
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,549
Here's the jobs page. This looks interesting.

131
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,472
"Wanted - managing director, ICI.
Excellent demotion prospects.

132
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,598
"Right candidate could go
straight to the bottom."

133
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,918
- Something a bit more low-key.
- "Restaurant requires dish dirtier"?

134
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,913
- Anything else?
- Ah, this looks interesting.

135
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,514
"Theatrical agent requires novelty acts."

136
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:06,115
- What do we do that's a novelty?
- In this world, everything.

137
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,832
- Three weeks we been doing this.
- We'll do it till we find them.

138
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,794
We ain't gonna find 'em. They're gone, buddy.

139
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,671
But look on the bright side...they're gone, buddy!

140
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,951
Don't you care about anyone but yourself?

141
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,720
Hell, no. I don't even care about you.

142
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:37,431
If Goalpost-Head and Freak-Face
want to get lost, that's their bag.

143
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,797
I don't see why it should cut
into my preening time.

144
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,631
You realise with all this,
I haven't permed my leg hairs in a week?

145
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,837
- I'm a wreck.
- You perm your leg hairs?

146
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,109
Only as an aid to the natural curl.

147
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,949
- Fasten your belt.
- I don't need fashion tips from you.

148
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,833
SAFETY belt. Look.

149
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,116
Is that what I think it is?

150
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,989
- What do you think it is?
- An orange whirly thing.

151
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,272
It's a time hole.
That's where they are. We're going in.

152
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,278
- What?! You can't go in there.
- Why not?

153
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,630
Orange with this suit?!

154
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,870
Where are we?

155
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:28,158
I don't believe this.
According to the NaviComp, this is Earth.

156
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,798
(LISTER) Engage cloak. I'm takin' her down.

157
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,594
- (CAT) What was that for?
- We don't want to freak the natives.

158
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,439
(METALLIC CLUNK)

159
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,398
Hey. What's the matter?

160
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:53,189
I dunno.
I think me ribs are cracked. And me back.

161
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,079
- Is my eye bruised?
- Yeah, it is.

162
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,675
- What's that?
- It's a homing device.

163
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,474
It'll find their flight recorder.

164
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,631
Yonder.

165
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,996
I'm home.

166
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,436
- You found anything?
- The Bug's there, but they're not.

167
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,835
You're dry.

168
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,991
That's weird.

169
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,790
Let's take a look around.
Maybe they left us a clue or something.

170
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,949
(LISTER) What's this?

171
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,271
They must have left them
to tell us where they'll be.

172
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,592
- What's it say?
- It's in some weird language.

173
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:57,192
"Srehtorb." That must be Polish
or Bulgarian or somethin'.

174
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:02,388
- You speak Bulgarian?
- Me?! I can hardly speak English.

175
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,397
What's this?

176
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:11,317
Nodnol? Hang on!
Wait a minute! Nodnol. Nod-nol.

177
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,710
- It's in Bulgaria.
- Are you sure?

178
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,519
Geography was my number-one subject
at school.

179
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:20,719
Nodnol - rich in animal produce
and minerals, just south of Bosnia.

180
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,515
- What's "selim"?
- Obviously, Bulgarian for kilometres.

181
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,989
You're so smart. I'm glad I'm with you.

182
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,310
Well, we are the smart party.

183
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,471
(BOTH MAKE BEATBOX SOUNDS)

184
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,275
(RAPS) I didn't come here lookin' for trouble

185
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,431
I just came to do the Red Dwarf shuffle!

186
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,636
(CAT) He's smart

187
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,279
(BOTH) He's smart

188
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,432
(LISTER) My ribs are killing me.
Let's find some transport.

189
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,878
Come on! Let's go! Go! Come on!

190
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,315
Bye, suckers! You lost your bike!

191
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,199
Start pedalling, man! Start pedalling!

192
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,912
- Get this thing in forward gear!
- It IS in forward gear!

193
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,239
Stop! Stop!

194
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,190
No more. I'm not moving
another yard on this thing.

195
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,510
I've got a parting in the back of my head.

196
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,955
It's these cheap Bulgarian bikes.

197
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,271
You probably have to queue
for a year for this junk.

198
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,194
You have to be a government official
to get one that goes forwards.

199
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,396
Yo, matey. Excuse me. Excuse me.

200
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:42,993
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

201
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,549
I don't speak Bulgarian. You speak English?

202
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:53,191
We're lookin' for our friend. Erm...friendski.

203
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,318
Uh... Our budski? Palski?

204
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,471
There's an addresski hereski.

205
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,359
Can you, erm...drop us offski?

206
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:09,232
- Rock'n'roll.
-Thankski verski muchski, budski.

207
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,678
(CAT) Hey! Hey! Hey!
We're movin' in the right direction now.

208
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,477
(DOG BARKS BACKWARDS)

209
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,711
This is the place.

210
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,111
My eye! Me back feels
like it's been cut to ribbons!

211
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,033
Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan!

212
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,955
Ladies and gentlemen, olleh, olleh, olleh.

213
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,230
Welcome to the show.

214
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,990
(ROARS OF LAUGHTER)

215
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,317
- That's a joke?
- For our first trick tonight,

216
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,429
my partner Kryten will attempt
to eat a boiled egg...

217
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,670
- forwards.
- (ALL GASP)

218
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,510
(CRIES OF DISGUST AND AMUSEMENT)

219
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,995
This is entertainment to these people?
It's pathetic.

220
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,879
They're Bulgarian. They have very simple tastes.

221
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,757
I have it. It's a moron convention.

222
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,270
Check the coat room.
If there are 20 jackets, all white,

223
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,079
with arms that tie behind the neck, I'm right.

224
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,118
And what better way to round off a meal

225
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,192
than by drinking a glass of water?

226
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,635
- Kryten.
- Whoa, stick around.

227
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,712
They're building up to a big climax.

228
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,074
We are the Sensational Reverse Brothers.

229
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,038
We shall see you last night.

230
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,236
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

231
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,670
Let's get a drink and go backstage.
Hello? Excuse me?

232
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,354
Can I have two pints of bitter, please?

233
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,878
- Bitter. Two pints.
- She can't understand you.

234
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,271
- You're wasting your time.
- Yo, what you drinkin' there?

235
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,237
Drinkski? Beerski?

236
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,630
Ah, rettib. Two pints of rettib, please.

237
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,870
- Rettib?
- Two.

238
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,952
Was that difficult? No, we're the smart party.

239
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,515
Rettib. Rettib.

240
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,471
(BACKWARDS SLURPING)

241
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,438
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

242
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,990
This isn't Bulgaria. Look at that menu. "Unem."

243
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,594
It's English, but backwards.
Everything's backwards.

244
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,876
- Everything's backwards?
- Yeah.

245
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,519
Right!

246
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,389
Well, as they say,
when in Rome, do as the Snamor do.

247
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,990
- Up the hatch.
- Booties down.

248
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,828
What do you mean, you don't want to leave?!

249
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,230
- We're happy.
- We've found a niche.

250
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,709
We're the Sensational Reverse Brothers.

251
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,916
After just three weeks, we're a hit.

252
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:41,237
- Rimmer, everything is backwards.
- We've got used to it.

253
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,109
Once you get over the initial shock,
things actually make a lot more sense.

254
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,878
There's no death here. You start off dead,
you have a funeral, then come to life.

255
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,033
As each year passes, you get younger,
until you become a newborn baby.

256
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,191
Then you go back inside your mother,

257
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,669
who goes back inside her mother,
and so on,

258
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,593
until eventually
we all become one glorious whole.

259
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,036
Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole.

260
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,192
- You've totally flipped, man.
- We want to stay.

261
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,713
But we can't stay. Look, I'm 25 now.
In 10 years' time, I'll be 15.

262
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,599
I'll have to go through puberty again.
Backwards.

263
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,918
Imagine that. Your gajimbas
will suddenly rise back into your body,

264
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,516
and next thing you know,
you're singing soprano in the choir.

265
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,554
And worse than that,
in 25 years, I'll be a little sperm,

266
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,156
swimming around in somebody's testicles.

267
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,914
That's just not how I saw my future.

268
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,628
I tell you, things are better here.
It's our universe that's backwards.

269
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,712
Take war. War is a wonderful thing here.

270
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,350
In 50 years' time, the Second
World War will start...backwards.

271
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,711
- That's a good thing?
- Millions will come to life.

272
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,396
Hitler will retreat across Europe,
liberate France and Poland,

273
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,235
disband the Third Reich
and bog off back to Austria.

274
00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,680
We're smash hits. We'd be crazy to leave.

275
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,316
Rimmer, we don't belong here.
This place is crazy.

276
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,877
Crazy? Death, disease, famine -
there's none of that here.

277
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:16,035
There's no crime.
Our first night here, a mugger jumped us

278
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,953
and forced $50 into my wallet at knifepoint.

279
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:23,272
OK, OK. But look at the flipside
of the coin. It's not all good.

280
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,795
Take someone like, say, St Francis of Assisi.

281
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,349
In this universe,
he's the petty-minded little sadist

282
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,556
who goes around maiming small animals.

283
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,678
Or Santa Claus - what a bastard!

284
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,871
- Eh?
- He's the fat git

285
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,828
who sneaks down chimneys
and steals all the kids' favourite toys.

286
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,270
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

287
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,196
What fight? We didn't start any fight?

288
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,909
- What's he saying?
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

289
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,111
(KNOCKING)

290
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,950
- We're fired! For fighting.
- You've been with us all night.

291
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,436
He says we'll never work the pub circuit again.

292
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,114
For smeg's sake! Be reasonable!

293
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,989
(BACKWARDS CONVERSATION)

294
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,835
Tell him about the contract thing.
He can't just sack us like that.

295
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,991
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

296
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:38,112
- What's that about?
- Rimmer in a fight? That's a laugh.

297
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,589
- So, what's the plan?
- I dunno.

298
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,992
If they don't change their minds,
head back without them. My back!

299
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:07,273
We just gotta get out of here.
This universe is just too disgusting.

300
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,711
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

301
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,597
- What's the matter with him?
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

302
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,792
I think we've just uneaten his pie.

303
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,639
Unbelievable. We didn't start a fight.

304
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,956
Look, I'm sorry, man. We were just... Ah!

305
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,873
- (CAT) Are you OK?
- My black eye's gone!

306
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,316
He just sucked it off me face with his fist! Oh!

307
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,870
- Now he's uncracked me ribs!
- We don't want any trouble.

308
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,032
You don't understand.
All this mess, all this debris,

309
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,273
is from the fight we got fired for,
which we're about to have.

310
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,756
ABOUT to have?
I don't want a bar room brawl.

311
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,078
It's not a bar room brawl.
It's a bar room tidy. Unrumble!

312
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,955
- Where are you going?
- I know what happens to me back.

313
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,554
Here, have your tooth back.

314
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,070
(BACKWARDS CHATTER)

315
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,197
Good one, gentlemen.
Thanks for your support. Let's go.

316
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,431
I've forgotten something.

317
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:18,113
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
- What the hell? It's a good cause.

318
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,909
How much is that, mate?

319
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,672
Oh, aye, yeah!

320
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,432
(CABBIE) Hi!

321
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,556
Tight git.

322
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:51,594
You know, it could have worked.
It really could. Where's the Cat?

323
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,072
He won't be long.
He's...you know...in the bushes.

324
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,910
We've got to stop him.

325
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,551
Don't ask!

326
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,517

There's no kind of atmosphere

327
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,990


328
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,357


329
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,193


330
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,909


331
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,436


332
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,717


333
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,190


334
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,920


335
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,789


336
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,633


337
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:04,032